Christian marriage is about inviting Jesus to be part of a union
HOLY MATRIMONY OF KENNETH ANTHONY KAIGAMA AND JULIET IGNATIUS JELLA AT OUR LADY OF ASSUMPTION PARISH, KONA, TARABA STATE, 21ST MAY, 2022. HOMILY BY MOST REV. IGNATIUS A. KAIGAMA, ARCHBISHOP OF ABUJA.
In difficult times, a marriage feast such as this is a great consolation, because it helps to uplift us from our low spirits, depression, and worries, and distracts us, even if briefly, from the negative consequences of fuel scarcity, high cost of living, ASUU strike, bomb blasts, terrorist attacks, youth joblessness, etc. Thank you Kenneth and Juliet for giving us the opportunity to pray, celebrate and rejoice as you fulfil the mandate to build a family as prescribed by God in Genesis chapter two. Thank you too for enabling me to meet after many decades with my friend and contemporary in the major seminary, Mr Ignatius Jella, the father of the bride.
Christian marriage is about inviting Jesus to be part of a union of partnership and companionship between a man and his wife. Even though family and friends help to make marriage stable and enjoyable, only Jesus is allowed to take center stage in what happens between a husband and his wife. As we read in John chapter two, Jesus’ presence at the wedding in Cana was crucial. So is His presence in every marriage. A marriage which excludes Jesus is destined to fail, but a marriage which opens the door to Jesus brings the blessings of Psalm 127 (128): the wife will be like a fruitful vine in the heart of the house; the husband and wife shall eat the labour of their hands; the children will be like shoots of the olive around the table. They will see their children’s children, and peace will flow in their house as a river.
I believe that both Kenneth and Juliet want to form a permanent union in a loving and peaceful home. Canon 1056 spells out the essential properties of marriage: unity and indissolubility, a reference to Mt 19:6 which emphasizes that in marriage a man and his wife become one, so they are no longer two but one. The word divorce is therefore never to be thought of or included in the vocabulary of married people.
We must note the difference between a wedding and marriage. What we are celebrating right now is a wedding. Marriage is the actual living together. A wedding ceremony is largely cosmetic and external (videos, photographs, elegant dresses, dances, gifts, etc). Marriage begins after the sacrament is received and the guests are all gone and the couple starts to live out the promises made in the Church on the wedding day. It is about how they cope with daily life, pray together (as Tobias and Sara did in Tobit 8:4-9; resolve their problems; earn their daily bread; learn to be calm, patient and trusting God when faced with challenges; and how they put into practice the love shown while courting, such as the husband opening the door for his wife, drawing a seat in the restaurant for her to sit down, calling her adorable names, etc.
One man blamed the problems he was having in his marriage on the priest who did the blessing of their marriage by claiming that the hands of the priest were not good. The problem was that his marriage was not centred on Christ. He had found consolation in staying out with friends drinking and coming home late. He did not succeed in making his wife his friend, a true companion and a confidant. He saw his wife as one to cook food, bear children and keep him happy. It was not surprising that one day the wife locked him out when he returned home after 2.00 am! This did not ever happen to one couple whose story was told by Daily Trust Saturday, November 7, 2020 p.3. The 103 year-old Pa Israel Oluyemi Akojede and his wife , Esther Abake, 98, were married for 72 years, died on the same day (seven hours difference) in Abeokuta, Ogun State. The neigbours said they were “Christian to the core…. Two of them were godly”.
It is customary before Church wedding to do what is called “traditional marriage”. This is a celebration that brings the two families together to give their blessings and official approval of a marriage union between their children. There is the presentation and acceptance of such items as goats, chickens, pots of burukutu, salt, tobacco, and even money.
The Church wedding is a higher step where Jesus is the only licensed one to dictate, intervene and guide the married relationship. Marriage is a mutual expression of trust and confidence. It is an act of self surrender. It is the unconditional giving of yourself to the other, not as a contract for limited period but for the rest of your life. Marriage fuses two people into one. Gen 2:24 says the two become one body, one flesh, in a manner that they only think in terms of “we”, “us” and “our”, rather than “I, me, and myself”.
Kenneth, I believe that your intention is to establish a true, permanent and a happy partnership and to be a loving companion of Juliet and I hope Juliet that this is your sincere wish also. You want to be happy companions and not strange bed fellows, living in a hotel-like environment instead of a home. You don’t treat marriage as you do your mobile telephone service providers such as MTN, AIRTEL or GLO, by migrating at will when you don’t get satisfactory services. Marriage may be sweet or rough or tough, you just stick to it and pray for the best.
Some Marriages do not always have the big success we expect because of lack of correct motives: some concentrate on beauty, position, material possessions and giving attention to the opinions of people who do not have any business in the marriage.
One of the lessons of this marriage today between Juliet, a Mumuye, from Zing Local Government and Keneth, a Jukun-Kona from Jalingo Local Government is that we Mumuye and Kona people should go beyond ethnic prejudices and stereotypes. This is a renewed genuine attempt at rebuilding trust and friendship and brotherhood/sisterhood between the Kona people and the Mumuye. KOMU (Kona and Mumuye Association) was a helpful and hopeful organ of bringing the Kona and Mumuye people together, overcoming negative historical prejudices, to focus on common interests and socio, economic and political progress. This body has died. I hope it can be resurrected from today again by the Kona and Mumuye youths. The harmonious existence of the past must be restored. Late Mr. Ferdinand Nyame, a Mumuye, married a Kona lady, as did Mr. Columba Tari, late Mr. Francis Tapu and others. Teachers like Ferdinand Nyame was a headmaster in Kona and others like Mr. Justine Gandisho, Mr. Thomas Latoba, Mr. Anthony Bonzena, all taught in Kona. Mr. Fidelis Kaigama, a Kona, was the pioneer headmaster in Monkin, so did Mr. Peter Swanikuru, Mr. Ignatius Doga, and others who taught in Mumuye land.
Congratulations Juliet and Kenneth on this your special day! Let me conclude by urging you to always seek the face of the Lord (cf. Tobit 8:4). Ask the Lord daily for the gift of patience. Please note that there is no perfect wife or husband. A perfect wife is one who does not expect a perfect husband and a perfect husband is one who does not expect a perfect wife. Differences, incomprehension, misinterpretation, misjudgment will happen. Hold on to the Lord.
Kenneth and Juliet, may you find true love flowing in your hearts and home. We wish you the peace and happiness of Jesus. Our prayer and hope is that at God’s own time, sooner than later, you will be inviting us for a naming ceremony in your house. God be with you all the days of your life.
